How To Overcome Low Self-Esteem

85% of the world’s population are affected by low self-esteem. Source: The self-esteem book, Dr Joe Rubino.

Now that is a stunning statistic, definitely not in a good sense.

What is self-esteem? You may ask!

Dictionary dot-com defined self-esteem as “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.”
synonyms for this term include:
self-respect, pride, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself.

I have been around people with very low self-esteem (mostly religious or church people) and in the past, I had wondered why some of these people suffered from this menace, however, it became clear after I closely investigated the possible cause.

You see, self-esteem talks about the “self”, but from a religious standpoint, we consider anything that promotes the “self” as bad, although God Himself doesn’t, in fact the Bible is full of self assuring powerful affirmations that can change people’s lives for the best, see for yourself… What does the Bible say about self-esteem? However, there are people with varying and contrary opinions about how we should treat ourselves in order not to appear conceited and prideful, their intentions might not be bad but the way they go about it produces damaging results to the individual’s self-worth. Proponents of this belief system engage in derogatory self talks such as I am dumb, I don’t deserve this and that, I don’t expect big things to happen unless God comes down from heaven, I am not good enough because of my sins, I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things etc. These people are quick to judge others who are their stack opposite, call you names and associate you with negative phrases such as you are prideful, you are selfish, you don’t ask for advice, your heart is not right and you need to check it to find out why all of a sudden you have become so bold and confident lol, you will go to hell if you don’t repent and humble yourself, and the list is inexhaustive. So in order to fit in, majority of the people go to war with the “self” either consciously or unconsciously, being propelled by deceptive religious dogmas that seek to hijack the mind with the sole purpose of enslaving the freedom of thought that God has so freely given to us.

What is the percentage of religious people globally?

84 percent of the world population has faith; a third are Christian. “Worldwide, more than eight-in-ten people identify with a religious group,” says a new comprehensive demographic study of more than 230 countries and territories conducted by the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life.

84 percent of the world population has faith; a third are Christian

Funny how 84 percent of the world population is religious and the percentage of those suffering from low self-esteem account for about 85 percent. It can be inferred that majority of these people belong to one religion or the other.

I will speak as a disciple of Yeshua (Jesus Christ). My believe in God through Yeshua should not enslave me, I shouldn’t feel less of a person because I am a Christian, in fact, I should feel so much power, confidence, poise and every good thing that follow the decision of becoming a disciple of Christ; The Truth Sets Us Free. I am glad to say that more than before, I am very confident, I have very high self-esteem, I love myself and others, and I love God because I chose to read the Bible for my own convictions and I don’t care about religious dogmas and false doctrines that are all over the place to enslave people.

How Can You Break Out From This Low Self Esteem Menace?

  1. know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made by God the creator. Is it true? Find out.
  2. Avoid people who constantly make you feel worthless, who want to teach you how to think or act. People who micro-manage you, who tell you to change from who you are to who they want you to be by imitating exactly what they do. Maybe imitating certain aspects of things you like about a person isn’t that bad but remember that there is no iota of originality in imitation, and what is more? it is a betrayal of the self. In my opinion, imitation has more detrimental effects than the it benefits as highlighted by these two articles: 3 Ways Imitation Can Kill The Innovation Inside You, 5 Reasons Why You Should Simply Learn and Improve Instead of Imitation. Don’t get me wrong, you can imitate someone’s faith, enthusiasm, drive, positive affirmations etc. but for goodness sakes why imitate how someone walks, talks, preaches, eats? why imitate their style? what about your style?
  3. Be around people who support you. Good friends who listen and speak to you from the heart, who enjoy spending quality time with you (maybe a cup of coffee every now and then, a walk in the park etc.). Those who want to genuinely walk with you and see you improve and achieve incredible things in life. People who ask about your problems and genuinely listen and never tell you what to do but only offer advice if and only if you ask for one (or who ask to offer you one if you are too shy to ask).
  4. Embrace inner voice modification. Come on! no one is an island; there are times when we feel so low especially when we feel we are not where we ought to be in comparison to others (trust me you want to avoid comparing yourself to others), that we begin to indulge in negative thoughts that do not benefit us in any way. In these situations, you must modify your self talk, filter all the negative thoughts that flood your mind and only hold on to the positive ones. Yesterday I was with a friend who was telling me how his week went and somewhere in between the story, he pretty much affirmed that he was a very dumb person. I allowed him to finish, however, I suggested he modifies his use of self descriptive words because they have profound effects on our emotional and psychological wellbeing. We make bad decisions that place us in awkward and bad situations but we are not those decisions, we must not associate our identity with those mistakes but only learn from them and move on. Avoid damaging self talks like “I’m such a fat pig, no wonder I don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.”, “I hate my job, but no one would hire a loser like me.”, “I’m such a failure.”, “I’m so dumb.”, “I will never amount to something in life.”
  5. Accept that you are not perfect. Honestly, people who suffer from low self-esteem are those who compare their imperfections to other people’s supposed perfections. Truth be told, no one is perfect and you have to realize this fact and focus on your strengths and embrace your weaknesses.
  6. Set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time bound) goals. The fear of failure is one of the reasons people don’t like to set goals, but you have to know that if you don’t fail, growth is unlikely because if you don’t try new things, you cannot advance, and when you try new things, sometimes you will fail. It is alright to fail but it is not alright to quit and accept that you are a failure, you have to be resilient and accept that failure is a springboard to success, in fact the most successful people had the most failures. Use the SMART model when setting your goals and clearly state why you want to achieve them. For instance, I will write 3 articles about thought leadership this week (beginning from 4/30/2018 – 5/7/2018) to inspire my readers to lead themselves better, I will run a 3k every morning to improve my physical fitness, I will save 30% from my pay check every week to pay off my debt etc.
  7. Take calculated risks and be resilient. How do you feel about those who took risks and followed through their dreams and later became successful? Inspired and motivated right? That’s right! You too can become that person whose story would inspire others to dare and become who they were born to be. But is not going to happen unless you act; I would have loved to guarantee you that you will succeed but I am sorry to disappoint you, there are no guarantees but you wont know how it will all turn out unless you act. One thing I can guarantee you though is, as long as you don’t give up, as long as you continue to improve yourself, persevere in the pursuit of your dreams by taking practical steps to see them come through, you will succeed.

I am not a therapist but I can support you in your quest to attain high self esteem. Just use the “Contact Form” in the homepage and send me an email.

What do you think about this article? Leave your comments below and please share, your friends may find it helpful.

check the following articles to help you lead a more productive and fulfilling lifestyle.

10 Quotes To Inspire You To Never Give Up

Myths About Self Confidence

Top 10 Self Confidence Building Quotes

Top Quotes To Help You Build Your Self Esteem

How To Become Who You Want To Be

Top 10 Quotes To Inspire You To Never Give Up

Life is hard and more often than not we are faced with challenges that tempt our peace of mind, test our resolve and self-belief, stretch our strength of character, make us question our belief and even doubt the very foundations that had served us so well in the past, make us want to change our values and core principles that define us, tempt us to jump in the bandwagon and be like everyone else.

Life serves bitter pills —­­­­ money problems, lack of employment, family breakdown, health challenges, divorce, loss of a loved one — no one is exempt from these and many more. The challenge for us is how we can overcome our setbacks and use them as springboards for a more powerful comeback. How do we take a temporary defeat and mount an incredible comeback? We can do anything we set our minds on but change is the catalyst to get it right. We must change our approach if we desire better outcomes, we must begin to do things differently as Einstein remarked “INSANITY: DOING THE SAME THING REPEATEDLY AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS.”

We are powerfully and fearfully made Psalm 139:14 and are more than conquerors Romans 8:35-39, we can defeat any and everything that life throws at us, we are strong beyond measure and this is why the human race has lasted this long and continues to make gigantic improvements on mother earth.

All over history, man has had to overcome his worst nightmares, fears, and enemies to self actualize and be counted among the greats. If it were easy, everyone would be great, wealthy, famous, inventor, creator, and all men would have 6 packs😊.

Wherever you are at in your life right now, I want to encourage you to keep pushing, keep giving your all, continue to learn and improve your art, don’t stop moving, even if you fall…fall forward, be resolved never to quit even if it will take your last drop of blood.

Here is a collection of top 10 quotes to keep you going.

  1. “By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree.” – Buganda proverb
  2. “Fall seven times and stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb
  3. “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison
  4. “A failure is not always a mistake. It may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.” -B.F. Skinner
  5. “We will either find a way or make one.” – Hannibal
  6. “A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.” – George M. Moore Jr.
  7.  “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” – Confucius
  8. “Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength.” – Theodore Roosevelt
  9. “Survival can be summed up in three words – Never Give Up. That’s the heart of it really. Just keep trying.” – Bear Grylls
  10. “You just can’t beat the person who wont give up.” – Babe Ruth

 

Photo Credit: Victor Freitas

What’s your favorite “never give up” quote? Share it with us in the comment section below!

6 Self-Confidence Myths

Bibobra Michael ALABRAH

There are myths everywhere and somehow we cling to these and make them part of our belief system and guess what, they have a profound effect on our decision-making and lifestyle.

The outcome of our lives today is as a result of the many choices we have made in the past, so go through these six myths that might be holding you back from becoming a more confident person and decide for yourself today to debunk them and take giant strikes toward that astute and unshakable confident person you desire.

  1. I wasn’t born with confidence so I can’t be confident. Well that is not true because no one can claim that they were born with high confidence, like speaking, walking, and everything else we have to learn them and become better and even best at doing them.
  2. I was humiliated in the past and my self-confidence was crushed so I am never gonna get it back. Again nothing is further from the truth. That was a one time or two or even uncountable times event but you must not allow failures of the past to deter you from trying again, besides self-confidence is not about achievements.
  3. self-confident people are bossy and arrogant. This is incorrect, on the flip side of things, they are direct and flat-out honest people. They don’t sugarcoat things just to make it look nice and sweet.
  4. self-confident people are perfect at what they do: no one is perfect and self-confident people know this fact, hence, they accept and appreciate themselves and then freely and confidently express their view points with utmost grace, power, and poise.
  5. unless I become rich or have a car and a house, I cannot be confident. I hear this many times when conversing with people. If this is your mindset, then you need a shift in your thought process because your self-worth and self-confidence should not be hinged on things outside of you but inside.
  6. The smart, beautiful, handsome, enlightened, hardworking, and successful people must be confident. Nothing is further from the truth. In fact most people have to wear makeups to look beautiful, try to dress and appear smart, do all the grooming to look handsome, study really hard to get good grades, and work very hard to achieve success because they hope that by doing all these they will become confident. have you ever come across that smart, beautiful/handsome course mate or co-worker who cannot make a clear and succinct presentation of his/her own findings in a board meeting or before course mates for fear of public speaking?

These six myths and many more out there are lies and you must not believe them.

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How To Find Your True Self

Bibobra Michael Alabrah

“The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but a life without purpose.” – Dr. Myles Munroe

Who Am I?

The answer to this thought-provoking question will change your life forever because you would have to dig deep into your very foundations and question your values and principles upon which you have built your personality and formed your philosophies about several aspects of life.

Is it important to know who I am?

Well it is not important if you don’t want to become who you were made to be, if you are comfortable been led by others in every aspect of your life (lack of self-believe in yourself), if you are afraid to face the truth, if you are afraid to be honest with yourself, if you are afraid of your uniqueness, if you love to be in a bandwagon(follow-the-crowd or go-with-the-flow or no-independence-of-thought), if you love to hear other people’ stories of success and triumphs but are not ready to discover and unleash yours, if you are comfortable hiding yourself under the ugly face of insecurity and self-hate, if stories of near-misses inspire you, if you are happy and satisfied with where you are, and finally if you are convinced that you are at your best and don’t need to find that missing link. If these descriptions reflect your thought process then you don’t have to read further, but if they are a stack opposite of what you desire, then congratulations you have come to the right place, and I promise your life will never remain the same again.

How are we influenced as we grow older?

  • In the womb, we were 100 percent free from the outside influence, I cannot say if we had thoughts but if it were to be then they were independent and free from influences as well.

I like to think of a new birth as a unique solution to a unique problem that the world currently faces or that she would face in the future. Hence, every conception was divinely orchestrated for a divine purpose.

  • Life starts when we are born! I wonder why babies cry at birth, could it be because we are now out of the comfort and security of the womb to the awakening of this harsh world? I doubt if anyone knows why. But from there on, the baby depends on the parents for food, warmth, love, and survival generally; however, after some months or a few years, he/she realizes that they are separate from the parents and the intrapersonal conflict kicks in, the desire to do as they please versus the need to strike the balance between harmony with family and ‘self’ sets the tone for an epic inner battle (the battle between the role as a child and individuality).
  • As we begin to make friends and even welcome a brother or a sister, the responsibility and the influence on our individuality increases. Our peers pressure us to try out things and at the same time we are pressured to be of good character and uphold the family values which often than not we do not always agree with. Gradually, we are influenced by so many things that our individuality never seems to see the day light however hard it tries to come to the fore.
  • Just as Petroleum Engineers explore for oil and gas in the deep seas and the weirdest of places, so a child begins exploration, we begin to ask more questions, the need to explore and find answers is increased, our natural instincts begin to surface but so also is the pressure to conform to acceptable norms. We want to know the things that make us happy or sad, the things we love etc., this quest provides us with some answers but again we are caught up between satisfying our innermost desires and doing what everyone else expects of us. For fear of being scolded or rejected we often succumb to fit in, and this affects almost every aspect of our lives, from the choice of food, music, clothes, hairstyle, to the kind of people we hang out with etc.
  • The gap between our individuality and conforming to the rest widens even further when we start college and decide on our majors. Often than not we abandon our innermost selves as we bid to become engineers, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, etc. and wrestle to become the best of what society has designed for us rather than truly becoming us. Of course, some will never go to college but we all have a common point…job… where we are all expected to fit into a box and deliver expected results…conformity at the highest level.
  • Ah we are here now! After all is said and done we still feel empty, unfulfilled, and maybe left wondering about our legacy. Um… the time of self-reflection beckons, reality sinks in, yes, I have a house, a car, a family etc. but then I still feel like there is something missing. We then seek to reconcile ourselves to the very purpose for which we were born in the first place, those who are lucky may find their way back but those who are not, will just leave unnoticed, like they were never here, the purpose for which they were born was never reached and the earth is deficient in that area because of their lack of understanding and knowledge of the self.

These influences confuse us to think that our roles are who we are. That is why you meet someone for the first time and they introduce themselves as thus:

Hey! I am Michael. I am a father of 20 lol,

A loving husband, I have 13 sisters and 5 brothers…just kidding

I have an awesome job working as an engineer at X-company.

As you can see that is a typical introduction and all that it highlights are roles. We must separate our roles from who we are, I know this is complicated but I promise to simplify it as we continue this journey. Just grab a cup of coffee, recline on the couch, I will be right back!

pexels-photo-846080.jpeg
Photo Credit: pixels

Boom…. Examine your life!

Why should you examine your life?

Well according to Socrates “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Self-evaluation will help you with:

  • Self-Discovery: pexels-photo-316681.jpegthere is truth in Socrates’ statement. Why? Of what use is it if you are not living your life but someone else’? barely existing as a human being is miserable that is why everyone desires to live life to the fullest. Self-examination will help you to unmask the fake-self that has replaced your true-self, it will help you to see the difference between who you truly are versus who you think you are, it will help you to dissect and separate yourself from the achievements and roles, it will present to you thought-provoking questions that will break the superficial satisfaction you attach your self-worth to, and finally bring you face-to-face to your true self.
  • Self-Awareness: pexels-photo-622135.jpegthis is the second reason you should examine yourself. After you discover your true-self, knowledge of the self becomes paramount…Loa Tzu remarked: “The one who knows others is wise, but the one who knows himself is enlightened.” Now you must become aware of your inner emotions, thoughts, desires, strengths and weaknesses, the things that make you thick, your instruments of peace and happiness. You must reconcile yourself to your PURPOSE.
  • Self-Acceptance:smartphone-face-woman-eyes-122428.jpeg is one thing to know who you are, another to accept it. Having had the full knowledge of the self through self-awareness, you must accept the challenge that was divinely orchestrated for you to live life rather than just exist. Honestly, when reality sets in, when we are faced with our purpose, we could become nervous and scared, is all right to be afraid but now is not the time to run away, rather, it is the time to accept who you are and enjoy the journey. There will be somethings that you may not like about yourself but instead of rejecting those parts of you or being in denial, you must accept the things you cannot change and change the ones you can.
  • Self-Appreciation:pexels-photo-269583.jpeg it is awesome to accept who you are because you are unique. But it is not always easy to appreciate ourselves especially if we wish we were someone else visa vies feeling inadequate…thoughts of how I wish I was taller, had blue eyes, long hair, more handsome or beautiful, and the list continues. We mention all the things we wish we had while forgetting all the awesome things we have. Listen, no one is perfect, that person you wish you were like him or her, wishes he/she was someone else or even you. So just accept yourself for who you are and appreciate and love yourself because this is the only way you will be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled.
  • Become:pexels-photo-926982.jpeg the last thing is to become what you were born to be, explore the world from its length and breadth, search for all the arsenals you need to achieve your purpose, refuse to limit yourself, dream as big as you want because there is no crime for doing so…allow your imagination to traverse you to places no one has ever thought of and bring them to reality. Discover, dream, and explore so that at the time of your passing, the world will consider herself blessed to have had you graced her with your beauty and uniqueness because your imprints will not go unnoticed.

The conclusion of the matter is knowing who you are, accepting and appreciating cum loving yourself is not only beneficial to you but to everyone else. So, who do you think you are? Who are you truly? What are the things that make you…you? The world is waiting for you to self-actualize, what are you waiting for? Would you accept the challenge to find yourself and become who you were born to be?

Hopefully I have inspired you to find yourself! Thank you for reading.

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Top 10 Self-Confidence Quotes To Inspire Us

What is Self-Confidence?

If you feel good about yourself and your ability to go for whatsoever that you desire, then congratulations! You are self-confident.

Why is Self-Confidence important?

To achieve the levels of success and happiness we desire, we must possess it.

I have highlighted 10 self-confidence quotes in no particular order to inspire you to become your best, hopefully this inspires you.

  1. “I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”Louisa May Alcott pexels-photo-927396.jpeg
  2. “We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson pexels-photo-256546.jpeg
  3. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”Eleanor Rooseveltpexels-photo.jpg
  4. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”Anais Ninpexels-photo-372098.jpeg
  5. “Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”Rumipexels-photo-316681.jpeg
  6. “Self-confidence is something I’ve always lacked in. But finally, at some point, I just decided to be honest.” – Lauren Alainapexels-photo-847483.jpeg
  7. “Unfortunately, unless we’re focused on building up our courage, which gives us our self-confidence and all that we need to make quantum change in our lives, the voice of fear will always take the lead inside our minds.”Debbie Fordpexels-photo-262103.jpeg
  8. “Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him/her.” – Lao Tzugirl-at-night-running-cloud-68171.jpeg
  9. “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” Sylvia Plathpexels-photo-256514.jpeg
  10. “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”
    ― J.M. Barriepexels-photo-384498.jpeg

Please leave your favorite self-confidence quotes in the comments section below.